I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun.

I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun.

Guns don’t kill people. Dads with pretty daughters do.

Guns don’t kill people. Dads with pretty daughters do.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.

Million dollar idea: Wifi bracelets, so you can wear them anywhere and have a connection.

Million dollar idea: Wifi bracelets, so you can wear them anywhere and have a connection.

I have a date tonight, with my bed. We're totally gonna sleep together.

I have a date tonight, with my bed. We're totally gonna sleep together.

I always wonder if people are born stupid or does it come naturally

I always wonder if people are born stupid or does it come naturally

That awkward moment when you think the teacher is looking at you but really she's looking at the person behind you.

That awkward moment when you think the teacher is looking at you but really she's looking at the person behind you.

Damn Orange

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange in color or is the color orange called orange because oranges are orange in color?

When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This shit was not what I expected.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This shit was not what I expected.

The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.

The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.